2/27/2006

i don't like goodbye

yups, i really hate that words..
setelah gue amat2i..sepertinya gue emang paling berat kalo ngadepin suatu perpisahan, hari ini gue harus melakukan lagi ritual perpisahan ini untuk tempat tinggal gue yg kedua, nancystrasse, terdengar so melankolis ya?hehehe, tapi waktu kaki gue melangkah keluar gedung untuk terakhir kalinya dari tempat tinggal gue selama 5 bulan ini, terasa juga hati ini berat, berat ninggalin gedung itu, sama rasanya waktu gue langkahin kaki gue ninggalin tempat tinggal gue yg pertama kali, pfaffenwaldring stuttgart...ato waktu gue langkahin kaki gue ninggalin jakarta, tempat kerja gue dulu, ato waktu kaki gue langkahin kaki tinggalin bandung untuk pergi kemari, udah berapa perpisahan yg udah gue lalui...seperti hari ini...ketika sudah beberapa meter kakiku melangkah jauh, dan ketika badanku kubalik kebelakang, kutatap gedung tinggi nan indah itu, hiks, udah gak tinggal disitu lagi aye yak?
hmmm...padahal masih banyak ritual2 perpisahan yg harus gue laluin kedepannya ya? dan harus berapa kali lagi hati ini terasa berat ya? hmmm...
perpisahan dengan kantor di karlsruhe kalo gue selesai thesis, hiks, gue pasti sedih, karena udah ampir setaun gue lalui hari2 gue disitu, orang2 disana, supervisor gue, udah jadi bagian hidup gue sehari2, ntar gue harus ucapin bye bye ama mereka, aduhhhhhh, pasti berattttt bangettttt dehhhh, belum lagi perpisahan kalo gue pulang abis ke indo, wahhhhh, ini berattttt...
hmmm...kok kayaknya gue kalo udah nyaman ama sesuatu berat untuk lepasinnya ya...mungkin harus dibiasain kali ya...ato pake cara jangan balik badan pas udah ninggalin sesuatu, biar gak sedih, jadi mungkin harus melangkah terus ke depan, ke tempat tujuan dan jangan pernah liat ato balik ke belakang untuk ngeliat yg sudah berlalu...itu pernah gue liat waktu Toba, seorang teman di soroako nganterin gue ama irine pulang ke bandung, kita tau, bahwa hari itu adalah hari terakhir kita bisa ketemu, mungkin suatu hari kita bisa ketemuan lagi, tapi kayaknya cuma sedikit % kemungkinannya, terbukti sudah ampir 7 tahun berlalu sejak hari itu dan gue dan irine gak pernah ketemu toba lagi, nah, dihari itu dia anterin kita sampai kita naik bus, tapi pas bus kita pergi, dia sama sekali gak liat kita, gak ada ucapan bye bye, gak ada lambaian tangan, dan kita cuma bisa liat punggungnya lewat jendela...sekarang gue ngerti kenapa toba begitu, karena perpisahan itu emang berat, dan untuk balik badan sekedar ngeliat gue ama irine pergi pasti rasanya berat sekali buat toba....
itulah kenapa gue paling benci perpisahan, don't ever say goodbye to me, it's better say see u next time, cause i know someday, somewhen, somewhere, we will meet again...

2/20/2006

what i feel

i am worried..for everythin
i feel alone
i miss my mom
i need strength
i am scared

2/19/2006

pengen liburan

aku pengen liburan, di suatu tempat yg indah, dimana kalo malam langitnya bertaburkan bintang2, asik kayaknya ya...mumett nih, beneran pengen liburan, kapan gue bisa liburan...

2/10/2006

normal friday in the office

today is like a normal friday in the office, every friday, Ruediger will come. He is a student who is doing part time job, i know him because his bos is my thesis supervisor, and mostly of his job is helping me in the experimental things. today i was the bos, my supervisor didnot come to the office, so i asked Ruediger to help me taking a sample. Actually my supervisor asked him to do measurement to replace me because i need time to relax and think about the writing report..but unfortunately it's not as easy as he tought. I have to teach Ruediger how to do this measurement, and it's a little bit confusing and boring. Ruediger is the one who easily get bored, i couldnot leave him alone to do this such a complicated measurement. So i did again two measurements, but with Ruediger's help it become faster..usually i can finish the measurement at 9 pm (without taking lunch brake) and i should walk 45 minutes to the nearest station to get home in the dark and cold, but today Ruediger helped me till 5 pm than i have to continue finishing the measurement alone till 6.30 pm. piuhhhhhh, i am really tired now, i have to take care about my health. I think I become a workoholic, it's not good...actually i am a little bit worried, for everything... i am always so worried these days...it's really uncomfortable, just need time to relax and positive thinking...

-try to catch you, but couldnot find, actually where are you now?miss you so-